Poem: Lost Generation (Book: The Quarter Life Crisis Poet)

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LOST GENERATION

 

We are the heir
To Blair
In academia we make our bet
They get into debt.

Fortune is linear?
Starve, charge and never recharge.
Let’s get skinnier.

We are living it up
Naivety of a pup
In the workplace we are like slaves
Then at night we rave.

Our big break will come.
Chase, trace and encase.
To the beat of our drum

But I will not succumb

You are all so dumb
Here I become

And then some…

An artist.

I escaped to Bohemia

Away from academia
Ran from the curse
In my converse
And then some

Ran away from academia
Away from the curse
In my converse
To Bohemia

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The Analysis:

Originally I had discussed the meaning of the poem in this interview Q&A for author of The Heart trilogy book series Audrina Lane found here.

It was written 30th September 2010 after I dropped out of Law school and I was just unleashing my frustrations at academia and the political system in general. The title is an homage to the Beat Generation. The poem is essentially a vision of how my life would unfold. And who knows maybe now I’ve became the Artist? It has a rhythmical pace in the last two stanzas expressing the circumnavigational nature of life which contrasts with an earlier rhetoric: Fortune is linear? This echoes how society dictates how life should unfold. Though truthfully the path to success is more curvaceous it ebbs and flows yet peaks and troughs.

Looking back it’s so ironic that poetry was my source of unleash and then it was like I just stopped and didn’t pick it up again until January 2013 which was one heck of a pivotal year. 2013 was truly the year of The Search of Everything… But that’s for a future blog post.

I didn’t read other poets I just had so much pain and distress and it just manifested in these poems- it needed release. The only poetry training/teaching I’ve had is GCSE English Literature which ended at age 16.

This poem grapples with Quarter Life angst and the futile promises made to Millennials that we could achieve anything we wanted. It’s the most self-explanatory poem and the most foretelling as it was devising my own buried dreams for a Bohemia, a life filled with artists and poets one I wouldn’t attempt to forge until 2013. Subconsciously, I had finally walked off the path of convention and was ready to Manifest Destiny... I just didn’t know it yet!

Have I arrived in Bohemia? Not just yet, there’s still a long way to go…

The only thing getting in my way (at the time of writing) was the guy in the poem that followed after it called 2am…

 

M o r e   a b o u t   C a t h e r i n e ‘ s   p u b l i s h e d   w o r k s :

www.CatherineVaughan.com
Twitter: @CattVaughan
Books: http://amzn.to/2bAOCpJ
Facebook: www.Facebook.com/CatherineVaughanWriter
The Quarter Life Crisis Poet available in
9780993408908

Paperback             The Quarter Life Crisis Poet 300 DPI                             Kindle             kindle QLC


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Blogger confession:

Hey guys,

So 2016 has been a year of highs that were astronomical and unpredictable as well as full of lows. My promise for 2017 is to make this blog more focused on championing awesome talent, helping you to discover new talent and showcasing hidden treasures.

I don’t feel I’ve made this happen as much as I’d have liked this year partly because I was so busy and my poetry took off in ways I couldn’t imagine and also because of a secret.

The reveal…

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I have major reservations about being online, being a blogger, having my face on the internet. Much of this drive to write online was naively fueled by wanting to make friends.

A dread about writing online the things I like is that someday just when I think I’ve made a real connection with someone it turns out that the person has probably just read about me online and the connection and seemingly similar interests were fake or perhaps they sincerely did like me/want to get to know me, so read about me on my blog as a way to get to know me and ingratiate themselves to me.

Either way, I’m done. I’ve just given up the hope. You end going that long without friends and the opposite sex that having it in your life would only become a hassle. A foreign concept.

So here goes, in 2017 I will ensure to give you satisfying and enriching reviews of the books, film and art that I really like. I’ll just put it out there…

It’s really just all about My Readers because without you I wouldn’t be able to write books. You guys me the world to me!

Also be sure to follow me on Twitter: @CattVaughan as I hold occasional Giveaways of my books I’ve published or films and books that I adore.


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My Books:

3D TR The QLC S VThe Quarter Life Crisis Poet: a collection of poems on pain heartbreak and defiance by a twenty-something

What we have here is a Romantic, a Dreamer who got overthrown by the people around her. Whispers of deep hurts overlay the pages. This is a soul trying to climb out of the well of despair. Cursed with unfulfilled love, filled with longing. Nobody to turn to. So she writes, she satisfies her need to be understood through poetic emblems. She reflects on what could have been and comforts old wounds of a past undeclared. After Crisis comes the Calm. There is Hope in these Poems after all Catherine Vaughan is a Romantic with Hopes that True Love will return. After all the delay of romance is not a denial of it…

UK                                                         Paperback   |   Kindle
USA                                                       Paperback   |   Kindle

 

How to Heal Eczema Naturally: a quick self-help guide to learn the secrets of healthy skin

3D TR EczemaThis quick guide reveals the effective and surprising secret foods, drinks and creams that can rapidly improve your skin. For instance did you know that grapefruit juice can alleviate eczema? Read this book to find out the best creams and ointments you can buy at the supermarket to reduce skin inflammation. Learn the Miracle Juice Recipe to make at home to clear your skin. This book is the ultimate lifestyle guide to help you understand the unsuspecting factors that aggravate your eczematous skin and help you find the best products to use in your home to keep eczema at bay. This is a truly holistic and quick-read health guide to help you heal your skin from the inside out. Plenty of simple and easy tips for you to get started with today on your journey to reclaiming healthy skin!

UK                                                             Paperback   |   Kindle
USA                                                           Paperback   |   Kindle


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Author’s Journey. Coming Soon!

Hey guys,

So a NEW category shall be in effect after Summer Break from July 1st 2016.

I will be documenting my Journey to becoming an Author covering facets from the writing process, event planning and bits and bobs in between.

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It really all started this time last year: Sunday 17th May 2015 with a simple ebook! A year later I am working on my fifth publication, have organized and hosted my own poetry performances plus hosted a group one. On top of that I’ve run multiple websites and social platforms plus my online shops! Who would’ve thought all this would manifest in less than a year. The question is not how she did it but what horrid people were holding her back? I’ve done it alone and I may as well document the process to the rest of the world…..

None of it was planned, all of it was made up as I went along. That I promise you! I literally had NO friends, no connections. This has been a solo journey. It’s also been a horrific time in a lot of way and nobody should have to forge this path, The Writer’s Path which is one of the toughest career paths especially when one has been suffering as I have…. It is a cruel, cruel world and you are a fool, fool to not make everything happen all at once. Things are changing. The amount of jobs and self-taught practices I’ve had to achieve is sickening and the short time frame I’ve done it in is enough to make someone take a gun to their head. It’s not easy but it has to be worth it. There’s nothing to catch me anymore, but I don’t care I simply dare.

 

Pirate Padlock: Fiction extract and small poems

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During a Writer’s workshop using this C 19th Padlock and key I came up with the following dialogue/fictitious extract.

“Don’t think you can get in without me! I am the guard, the man in charge, without me there would be carnage. I protect the secrets and deceits of history. Without me you have no truth and no proof. I am the commander, second to the General. One order I will not declare: Left or Right. It is up to you to decide. Don’t touch me unless you wear the badge of honour.” –The Key

The Stranger: “What do you protect?”

The Key: “Well you should know… What are you a spy? Oh my!”

The Stranger: “I have come to claim my rightful fortune!”

The Key: Get away you filthy pirate. Your gold and medallions fool not fool me.”

The Stranger: “You lie! I have twisted and turned, you do not work!”

The Key: “Get out!”

The Stranger: “Well then I shall have to destroy you and that lock where you cowardly sit and hide in.”

The Key: “Nooooo!”

The Stranger: “Ahoy my Captain, send me a hammer to beat this metal in a violent manner!”

 

Cinquain:

The Key
Three keys attached
Iron, black, lost, hidden, found.
Inside Hereford’s historic
Mansion.

Tercet:

Hear that knock?
Beware the knock!
Quick, look at the clock

Just try one more
No, through that door
If we don’t hide it there will be war.

Get that gold and store
It under the floor
Guard that door with an oar.

Copyright © 2016 Catherine Vaughan

Free Kindle Books by Multi-Genre Author Catherine Vaughan

Go on Amazon to get a FREE COPY:  Friday 20th May + Saturday 21st May 

♡ P o e t r y ♡
“The Quarter Life Crisis Poet: a collection of poems on pain, heartbreak and defiance by a twenty-something
http://amzn.to/1TNnunp

♡ H e a l t h | G u i d e ♡
“How to Heal Eczema Naturally: A Quick Self-Help Guide to Learn the Secrets of Healthy Skin”
http://amzn.to/1SUdjyk

To receive a Reminder on Facebook of when these ebooks will be available as FREE downloads visit the listings page here.

Reflections on March 2016:

It was the best of times it was the worst of times; it was devastating, it was fun; it was triumphant it was chaotic.

After rejection, heartache, being ignored, being neglected and facing so much cruelty from every avenue in life I finally got my piece of success and a chance to establish a path for myself.

It felt rough. Although I have since made friends with those that attended my event the doubts of the past crept up because every former opportunity to make friends in the past just crumbled, nothing would stick, people were fake, they would act so rudely to my face for no reason, I hadn’t yet learned that wolves in sheep’s clothing’s are widespread. It made me feel so much unease with people. But now I believe I have found friends for life.

I got so depressed after the event and even when I made attempts to meet up with my new friends I was terrified they’d let me down or abruptly turn on me as so many others have done in the past. And that’s the problem: THE PAST. I NEED TO GET OVER THE PAST.

Before March 2016 I had NO friends, nobody in my vicinity to turn to and I had been single for years. It was an illogical and sickening time. Before I can even discuss the success I’ve had, I have to articulate the pain.

The pain that weighs so heavy on my heart and overwhelms me. The pain of being disappointed by every type of person/social group: friends/peers, family, colleagues, teachers, doctors and even a priest. Most importantly I’ve understood that an omission/a failure to act does not validly support nor does it have the right to exist as a thought/opinion that “oh people do like you, they’re just shy that’s why they’ve not said anything.” NO they made their choice, how are you supposed to know what a person is really like if they are not straight with you, if they keep quiet. It is dishonesty and I have no tolerance for dishonesty. The people of the past failed to show up, they FAILED to acknowledge me and it almost got me killed. There is a natural segment for people who are introverted and I am understanding of that but the rest are just a disappointment and a disgrace. How can you ignore talent, intelligence and beauty when it is in your vicinity? Quite frankly: how dare you?

But I didn’t have to apply these thoughts of disappointments to these NEW people I’ve met. They showed up, they took a chance on me when we were strangers and they’ve been straight-up nice to my face.

The other factor was that maybe people just want a piece of me.. That’s a tough pill to swallow and I suppose it comes with the territory when you pursue and succeed at a path few can achieve.

There’s been something of a grieving process because there’s so much that I’ve just never had, there’s no connection to the past. There’s a huge period of my life where I was just alone, no friends, no boyfriend, no best friend, nobody who knows what my favourite book is, nobody who knows what music I like…. The list is endless. How would you feel if there was not one single person in the world who could answer simple questions about yourself?It’s almost like having to grieve yet again about all that never was and never will be.

All of a sudden literally overnight having people actually speak to me and be straight up nice to my face was a shock to the system, it’s something that I had wanted and needed yet rarely received so for it to all happen at once ended up having the reverse effect when I came home. It was so shocking and it was so long awaited it felt like a slap in the face. It made me depressed. On reflection I see I cannot see things that way as these new faces are nothing like the people of the past and they deserve no comparison to those people from before.  I cannot bare to think of what state I would be in if recent events did not go well. If success made more depressed, I don’t know if I’d even still be here if things didn’t go swimmingly.

I feel I paid too high a price for what I have now made alone by myself for myself.  The only reward I have is to take it as far as I can and even that’s a tough path. I have no other choice the former would kill me, it almost did two years ago. I don’t even dare wander or allow it to enter my my mind about having a best friend or boyfriend because that’s too big a thing to expect from anyone; I can’t ignore the past at the end of the day people are who they are and tend to lean towards simply “just not.” Inaction is commonplace. Why else would there by a million-dollar motivational ‘industry’. It’s like I just need to see things for what they are but sadly the truth can be so obvious it is quite simply becomes HIDDEN in plain sight. But I do have a growing circle of friends which seemed an impossibility even in January 2016. My new friends are so valuable to me.

It’s hard knowing how to acknowledge the truths and harsh realities you’ve learnt from the past yet still give new people the benefit of the doubt and just clearly see them for who they are. I had done that for so long previously yet kept being disappointed it can destroy a person’s outlook. Suffice to say the people of the past were just plain wrong for me and the sooner I forget them the better. It was a series of unfortunate disappointing and rude encounters for no reason. It was at times maddening and nobody should have to face that kind of treatment.

It’s bittersweet because there’s such a huge cut off from age 16 until now that I’ll never have that young love I craved. I’ll never have that simple hometown kinda love and just have someone love me for me. Sometimes I wander if a guy is ever actually going to like the real me or just the fantasy of Catherine Vaughan because by the time I meet someone new I’ll be this established writer and performer there’s a big star shine quality to it and I don’t want a guy to be enchanted by that external shine and miss out on seeing my soul. Then again I never really had a guy like me for me before anyway they just picked whatever side of me they liked and focused on it and it was frustrating anyways which only fuels my sense of loss even more….. It’s just one more sad experience and something else I’ve lost out on.

If it’s something you’ve never had they why bother thinking about it? Well it feels integral to one’s well-being. It’s just something you’re supposed to have. Its absence is a strong presence…. It’s bad enough when on top of everything you’re entire existence: childhood, teen years just everything was so unhappy, no consistent parental connection, no memories of having grandparents and family gatherings. Just nothingness and wasted youth. People doing nothing but wasting your life away. The list of have-not’s is endless you just have nobody and the worst part is you’re this creative genius and nobody can see it or worse they don’t want to acknowledge it and worst of all they go to great lengths to ignore you, block you and try to stop you getting opportunities.

The saddest part is that I cannot perform again not for a very long time because it just makes me more depressed and near suicidal from the stress and anxiety of having to organize and set up the before/during and after elements of the event and the fact that these poems I write bring back painful memories from childhood and beyond. It’s like reliving the past and reading your diary out in public. I hate the huge price I’ve had to pay to get a chance at anything in life, everything was bought with my blood and I wander when will the pain end, when does it get easier?

I guess all I can do is keep on keeping on and just hope people get on my wavelength because truthfully that is the only thing that has changed. I’ve just finally had a circle of people accept and embrace me. Life is nothing without people accepting and just acknowledging you’re alive. If you don’t have that you honestly have nothing. You can be the best brain surgeon on the planet but if there’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing in the way you’ll lose that job and won’t be able to save lives. Your talent, skill and dedication to health care will become negated. What’s worse is that such scenario’s exist in life and it’s such a waste. You really are nobody until you have somebody. Essentially if the people around you are not the right people they are the wrong people.

People need people, we just have to pray that people choose the right people and don’t let the good get beaten down into invisibility which is the cruelest state to put a soul in by the scum of the earth: wolves in sheep’s clothing.

Love Catherine Logo Trans